Sunday, June 12, 2011


Feeling in kind of a down mood, so I'm just going to talk.

How about a life update?
Well I really like work, but now I feel like I'm getting pressure on so many sides. I'm looking at going to grad school for either geography or volcanology (two random things, I know) and I already have people shoving thesis ideas in my face. I have to get in first! That's going to be the hardest GPA is well below a 3.0 and that's the minimum for the school that I'm seriously looking at. I'm scared to look at the GRE and I've been putting it off.
For now I suppose it's just making money and getting through classes and bringing up my GPA.

Yesterday was awesome. I went downtown with two of my friends from home and met up with two of my friends from school and didn't think or plan, just did. Normally that would make me extremely uncomfortable but since I had nothing else to do yesterday I just let it go. It was hot, but really, really good. I didn't think about any other crap that's happening in my life, and it's seriously just what I needed. I was talking to the only other girl in the group- one of my friends from home- and we were talking about how we realized that we weren't subconsciously afraid of being approached by anyone the entire day, simply because we had guys with us.  It's a weird thing, but that's something that I think girls think about a lot even if it's not necessarily in the front of their mind.

I remember when I was in 8th or 9th grade over the summer I was walking to my friend's house so that we could walk to the community pool together.  This meant I was wearing my bathing suit and capris and a sheer ("translucent" for those who don't get "sheer") top.  Halfway down my street when I was turning the corner onto my friend's street a guy who was probably in his 60s in a white pickup truck going the opposite way (i.e. coming towards me)  slowed down to where I was walking.
"Hi there."
"Hi." I kept walking.
"You're a beautiful girl. How old are you?"
"16." I lied
Then he sped off.  I got to my friend's house about 30 seconds later and told her and her mom about it and I just kind of laughed it off, not thinking it was a big deal.  I don't know why I lied and said I was 16...I think it was because there was something in my mind pushing me to not say my real age...which was 13 or 14.  I found out later that my friend's mom called my parents and they called the police. That scared me. That night my family and I were eating dinner on our screened-in porch out in the back and a police officer just walked in.  Apparently when he came to ask me questions our front door was open and was about to draw his gun.  So he asked me questions and I gave him answers. He asked me if I got the license plate number and I said No.  I felt really dumb after that because that would have been the smart thing to do.

I wonder what would have happened if I had said/been 18.  At the time, and even a few years after, I didn't understand the big deal.  Why did they have to call the cops. But now I know. If that ever happened to my daughter I would have been really concerned.
Did he have to use that word? "Beautiful"?
I usually don't think back to this event when I hear that word, but if I do, the word almost repulses me. Is that weird? Probably not.

Well that was a decent tanget. I'm hoping to do more of these this summer. No one reads them anyway, but this is more for me than for anyone else.

I feel emo. Lonely and sad-ish and genuinely tired.