Sunday, April 20, 2014

Feelings

Here I sit, having almost completed my first year of grad school.  It's been really difficult, and I feel pretty miserable.  I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and that I'm not really moving forward.  I feel like thus far this process has been a waste of my time as well as others'. I feel like nothing beneficial is going to come out of it.  I feel unsure of my abilities as a student and as a person in order to be successful.

I feel extremely worried that my long-term, long-distance relationship is going to be stagnant or break.  I feel worried that I'm going to lose the love of my life because I question his faith, and while I'm trying to understand and learn, I feel like I'm never going to be at the point at which he needs me to be.

I feel insensitive, for some of the thoughts that go through my head.  I feel horrible, knowing that my problems are minimal compared to many others' in the world, but still feeling the way I do.  I feel like I'm not going to get anywhere in life and that I don't deserve to have happiness a family of my own.  I feel unhappy and desperate and tired.  I feel bad and alone.

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