I met this guy at work who also goes to Penn State and is a Music major...more specifically a percussionist. Today he was telling me that he heard this piece that he really wanted to play but he couldn't find the sheet music for it, and I agreed with him saying that that is one of the most annoying things that can happen in a situation like that.Then I had a fleeting thought where I turned and looked at my nametag:
Brianna Hammond
Geography Summer Intern
Eastern Geographic Science Center
U.S. Geological Survey
I felt so incredibly jealous of my friend at that moment. He gets to experience music all day everyday which is something I would love to do. But here I am, an Engineering turned Geography major doing my own thing.
They always say "do what you love", but I know I couldn't make a living in the competitive world of vocal performance and I know I don't want to teach but those are the only two real options for a vocal performance major. However, that is where I find bliss, and sure I can sing on the side but it's not the same.
This isn't to say that I don't like GIS...I do. But if I had it my way, I'd be experiencing music all day everyday just like the percussionist. It's been years since I've been capable of the things I was in high school with choir everyday and voice lessons every other week for 6 years. I had been molded into being decent at something that I loved.
I don't love Geography or Engineering or anything else the way I love music. So people are probably like "well it doesn't matter if you can get a job or not as long as you're doing what you love". We all know we need money to live, and I want to keep the same lifestyle my parents have given me. Which makes me sound materialistic, but if I want to have a family and be able to experience things, I need to be financially stable.
I don't know why, but at this moment, I just feel like I can't do music...like there's no way anyone can be successful and experience that much happiness in doing something. And even if it's possible, why do I deserve that?
It's crazy that something that you can't even see can cause such a feeling of despair.
