Doing What You Love

I met this guy at work who also goes to Penn State and is a Music major...more specifically a percussionist.  Today he was telling me that he heard this piece that he really wanted to play but he couldn't find the sheet music for it, and I agreed with him saying that that is one of the most annoying things that can happen in a situation like that.

Then I had a fleeting thought where I turned and looked at my nametag:

Brianna Hammond
Geography Summer Intern
Eastern Geographic Science Center
U.S. Geological Survey


I felt so incredibly jealous of my friend at that moment.  He gets to experience music all day everyday which is something I would love to do.  But here I am, an Engineering turned Geography major doing my own thing.

They always say "do what you love", but I know I couldn't make a living in the competitive world of vocal performance and I know I don't want to teach but those are the only two real options for a vocal performance major.  However, that is where I find bliss, and sure I can sing on the side but it's not the same.

This isn't to say that I don't like GIS...I do.  But if I had it my way, I'd be experiencing music all day everyday just like the percussionist.  It's been years since I've been capable of the things I was in high school with choir everyday and voice lessons every other week for 6 years.  I had been molded into being decent at something that I loved.

I don't love Geography or Engineering or anything else the way I love music.  So people are probably like "well it doesn't matter if you can get a job or not as long as you're doing what you love".  We all know we need money to live, and I want to keep the same lifestyle my parents have given me.  Which makes me sound materialistic, but if I want to have a family and be able to experience things, I need to be financially stable.

I don't know why, but at this moment, I just feel like I can't do music...like there's no way anyone can be successful and experience that much happiness in doing something.  And even if it's possible, why do I deserve that?

It's crazy that something that you can't even see can cause such a feeling of despair.