Saturday, August 17, 2013

A New Phase

And so begins a new phase. I've graduated and am not on my own getting ready to start grad school. Without any friends or familiarity for comfort.  I've been on my own for a day and a half and I'm already lonely.

I have resources. I have people to call, people to text, people to email.  But starting fresh at this point is not something I'm ready for.  There is a pit in my stomach that feels as if it won't ever leave.  I feel sick in a foreign place that familiar people have had their hands on but are no longer nearby.  I am not a car ride away, but an expensive plan ticket with at least one layover away.  I'm a time zone away.

It's easy to comment "But it's only temporary, what's the big deal?"

It doesn't feel temporary.  I've changed my mailing address and expect to be here for a minimum of two years.  And now, I don't know if I want to be.  Sure, grad school is an investment in my future and can potentially provide me with more possibilities, but it also infers a cost.  I'm away from my family and significant other when I don't have to be.

Hearing (or seeing?) my qualms makes me feel like I'm petty and ungrateful, but I'd like to think that I'm neither of those things.  I feel horrible and want to be with those that I'm happiest with.


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