Saturday, March 13, 2010


I just read all of my previous blogs and have seen how much I've moved forward. Or tried. And now I feel like I don't have much to say

Except that I feel weird. I know I tell that to people a lot, and often it's different weirds. But now i just feel bad weird. I feel like I'm going back to where I was in November and December feeling-wise. I feel tense and worthless and, for the first time ever, uninterested. When I say that I mean in stuff I would normally be really enthusiastic about it. I want to go into the practice rooms with a piece of music and just go but then when I think about it I don't want to. That's never happened to me before. I'm afraid that I'm turning some kind of way because of not having a roommate. It might sound dumb and I honestly don't know what the change might be but I can feel it.

So over break my best friend and I had a very passionate discussion (I won't call it a dispute, cause I don't think it was) and he thinks we made some progress on me but I don't really think so. I may be wrong. He put it in really good words one time..."I think you just need to learn how to be alone, without being lonely".

So true.

I honestly think that's the biggest issue. Well and that I'm overly attached to one person.

I'm really really REALLY having an internal struggle with this issue because I don't know what to do with it. How to address it. And it affects other people and I don't particularly like that that happens.

Wrestling with myself legitimately makes me tired. And the fact that this is truly affecting my life really bothers me.

See, like now, I'm upset.

Short blog.


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