Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Keep Holding On

This unit of Astro has made me feel ridiculously insignificant. And it makes me feel like I shouldn't worry as much.

But then it all goes away and I fall back to the reality of everything. I want to keep that feeling.

One thing I've been finding out about myself is that I really want to feel wanted. Not really in an "I need attention" sort of way. Just having the feeling that maybe someone will miss me when I don't see them.

I'm not seeing Cathie anymore...she says she thinks I've progressed and I just kind of went along with it and said "yeah". My disposition has been noticeably better than last semester, but I don't know that I actually feel better. Maybe I've been better at hiding it. I know I'm still not happy. And I know that's not ok. I'm clearly stressed. I can't really tell when it gets to that critical point until [forgive me if you get grossed out at this stuff] my period gets mad delayed and out of wack. Which it is. Fail.

I envy people who have the guts to do what they truly truly love.

I don't know how I'm feeling about leaving in two weeks. I'm excited to be done with classes but I don't want to go "home". I want to start real life. Except for not because I don't want to lose people.

Blah...I feel weird right now. It's not a good weird or a neutral weird, it's kind of a bad weird. And I can't put my finger on what it is that's causing it. Eh.


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