Wednesday, July 28, 2010


So I had this dream.

I don't remember how it started, but I know I was at some kind of family event in Nebraska.  It was weird though cause in the first part I do remember, there was no one around me. I was on the shore of a lake or large creek with a lot of trees around me and grass. I'm pretty sure the next part of the dream consisted of me talking to some people and mingling in a picnic area or something...


...then I was back at the shore.  Then my family was with me and we were kind of spread out in a square shape.  A blonde girl came and started talking to me. I don't remember what she was wearing or if it was a good conversation or not...I think I didn't like her, but I definitely wasn't afraid of her.

The next thing I know, she pulls out a gun and shoots my dad, then my mom. I remember being behind my sister. She shot my sister then tried to shoot me, grazing Kerstin's right shoulder in the process. Then she shot me in the left side of my abdomen. Then she ran.

I was wearing a dress with a white top part and a black skirt part. I remember falling and looking down seeing blood on the white fabric and feeling the pain. I remember for the rest of the dream the white part of my dress was all ripped up for some reason.

Anyway, I wasn't dead. I just felt it and kept looking down and still know exactly how it looked. Where it was darker red and where it was lighter. I remember at some point that I was looking at myself from above and saw myself sprawled out on the grass.

I don't remember much else of the dream except that I asked my mom why she did that and she said something along the lines of "Cause you're black". I've never had any blatantly discriminating behavior directed towards me so that was interesting to me.

Ugh, I feel sick now just thinking about it. My heart is racing. It felt real...I woke up and legitimately thought I had a been shot. The first thing I did when I woke up was feel my stomach and look at it.  I'm a paranoid person to begin with...always thinking people are out to snatch me or whatever, but this made it more intense.

I am afraid.

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