Wednesday, December 23, 2009

3 From 1

So I've been hanging out with some of my high school friends for the past few days, as I always do when we come back from break. And I love them, but I hate to admit that, yeah, I was annoyed with them. Not all of them.

But OK, when you say you don't flirt but CLEARLY do (as in clearly. like I can barely tell the difference, but it is blatantly obvious here) and you wonder why this guy wants to hang out just the two of you, come on.

I was irked at the extreme craving for attention. And weirded out because I don't really remember that as much from high school. That thirst for attention was just too much. I know everyone does that once in awhile...where you'll play dumb or pretend to be modest, or react in a certain over-the-top way to get attention for some reason or another...but always?
And then I was frustrated at myself for being irked.
You know what is really weird, that I noticed right away when I got to Penn State? At school a lot of my friends and I are curvy and normal size and whatever, but at home, I've always been the biggest one. I know I'm not a big person. But every single one of my friends (and I legitimately cannot think of a single friend that this doesn't apply to) from HS are barbie dolls.
No, not even...Barbie is imperfect compared to the girls from home.
Of course this makes me insecure because I'm the odd one out. I know I'm not like huge or fat or anything, but I'm definitely chubby in comparison. I wish I wasn't insecure, because I honestly don't care that much about what other people think. I think it may be more because it makes me feel like I'm not normal. Not that normal can be defined really, or is always good for that matter, but normal in health standards is something right?
I shouldn't compare myself to these "perfect" people who are members of the Donald Trump Country Club and drive hand-me down Lexuses, Mercedes-Benzes, BMWs, or Hummers. I'm not saying that I don't have a comfortable life. Because I have a extremely comfortable life. I think it's like, if you're not wealthy in Loudoun County, then you're ghetto or poor or whatever.
Are you freaking kidding me?
On this website ( I found the average income in LoCo (yeah it's stupid, whatever.)
Seriously? And some people are calling other people poor?!?
Wait a second, I didn't realize that Upper-Middle or Middle Class was considered poor, my bad. I know someone who only makes $100,000 a year, and they must be poor.
And the stupid perfect kids within the neighborhoods are so spoiled and ridiculous. Yeah, I realize I'm one of them, but at least I also realize that this is out of control. And coming home to all of this, I feel so out of place. I don't even know why necessarily. I just feel like I don't relate to my peers.
Wow, so I moved from people seeking attention to perfect people to a random caste system that has been put into place by the society in this little bubble in which I live. I guess I got three main things out of a single moment that bothered me. It's cool, rants are healthy.
I have so much more to say about each of these topics but I'll just put those on the back burner for now.
The End

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